Through the years, I have been introduced to the different forms of “ships” that the world has to offer. These ranged from relationships to friendships to even situationships. So far, my experience has been quite amusing. However, we are not here to speak about my experiences, we’re here to discuss this thing that we call friendship.
So, what exactly can you refer to as a friendship? Wikipedia has a fancy definition here but a long time ago, I believed everyone who was nice to you was your friend. HA! Obiously that was far from the truth. In this day and age, it’s normal to have multiple friends due to social media. What do you call that person that you’ve never met but, always have banter with on instagram and snapchat? Your friend right?
At the end of the day, I can’t tell you who to call your friends. I’m only here to talk about the type of friends you should definitely run away from.
- The “you have forgotten about me” friends
I forget about what I’ve learnt in a lecture just minutes after I leave the lecture hall. Why exactly do you feel like it is my responsibility to remember you every single day of my life? Somebody cannot even move on again without being accused of one thing or the other. NO. No. no. I said, No! It is possible that “you have forgotten about me” may be the opening sentence to a great, banter filled conversation. I live for conversations like that. However, if you start with that line and end up giving a “so wuu2” after, you need to stop. If you have a friend like this, please run away. Actually, tiptoe away slowly because, they will hit you with the “you have forgotten me” if you leave too quickly.
- Those friends who remember you only when they need you.
A lot of “friends” fall under this category. One minute they are telling the whole world how you’re their guy and the next minute, it is nothing but negativity. Haha run oh. Pick up your shoes and run away because these are the type of people that will use your salary to start their own business then bitch about your brokenness the next day. It’s one thing to ask for help from someone that’s not particularly close to you but, it’s a whole new level of dodgy when the only reason you ever speak to someone else is when it benefits you. Life is about give and take so, if that friend of yours only appears when it is time to take, I urge you to run away from that human being.
- The “we are arguing therefore, I will go around talking about you” friend
Nothing amuses me more than “friends” in this category because half the time, the person being talked about is just sat there thinking “I was really just on my own”. These are the dramatic friends. The friends that have so much hidden hate for you within them. Those ones that are so quick to announce that “you have finally shown your true colours after xyz years”. To these friends, you say “Odeshi”…tell them it did not enter. These guys tend to run to other people once there’s a misunderstanding between you both. However, there’s a difference between seeking advice and just plain chatting shit about you with others. While they’re running to other people, ensure that you’re running away from them and their runny mouths at the same time. Just pray that you end friendships like this before you exchange secrets because, your deepest darkest secrets will end up on twitter and you’ll have no one but yourself to blame. Run away!
- Those friends who want to be like you.
This should really have been number one or a whole new post even. If you have a friend that devotes their whole life to being like you, disappear from their life and never appear again. This is a very serious case. At first, it seems like a subtle compliment. They want to like the same songs you like. They want to do their makeup in the same way. They want to speak to the same people you speak to. Initially you may think they just like your style or they like the way you comport yourself but, it is a lie! You’re really not that cool. Soon they start trying to relieve or recreate your past experiences so they can speak about how both your outcomes were similar. These are the extremely insecure friends. The friends that have refused to find themselves. The friends that always want to know your business. These are the friends that will steal your husband and keep speaking/acting/dressing like you until they manage to convince your children that she is their mum. You better disappear on your own before they make you disappear and steal your identity.
- Friends who can’t keep other friends.
These are the friends that ALWAYS have something bad to say about every one of their other friends. Today, they don’t like this friend because he gossips too much. Tomorrow, they’re not talking to that friend because she’s a boyfriend snatcher. My dear, run away because you are not different from any of their other friends. Next week it’s you that they will talk about. It’s hard to believe that everyone can hate one person for no good reason. Also hard to believe that one person can have so many “bad friends” for no apparent reason. These are the delusional friends. The temporary friends and once again, the friends that will spread your gist. Flee from them.
That’s all, folks. As much as we may all want to be naive and believe that there is no need to cut anyone off because people can change even after displaying two or more of the above. It is important to also remember that the devil was once an angel and his friends that refused to cut him off joined him in his new destination. Shine your eyes and be careful of who you let into your inner circle. If you can think of other signs which indicate the end of a friendship, please let me know in the comments section below 🙂